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fragments from a dharma talk
Mar. 14th, 2015 12:57 amBetween Gemini, Vonnie, moving my mother-in-law to Assisted Living, and other recent developments, I've been circling back to the Five Remembrances. (My tweak of Thich Nhat Hanh's translation):
1. I am of the nature to grow old. I cannot escape growing old.
2. I am of the nature to have ill-health. I cannot escape sickness and injury.
3. I am of the nature to die. I cannot escape death.
4. Everyone and everything I hold dear is of the nature to change. I cannot escape being separated from them.
5. My actions are my only true possessions. My actions are the ground on which I stand. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions.
People who don't understand Buddhism look at things like this and say, "ugh, what a morbid religion, always fixated on suffering and death." But really, it's about seeing things exactly as they are, not as we want them to be. Because if you're only seeing things as you want them to be, you're looking through this filter that distorts your perception, and has blind spots, so you're continually surprised and dismayed when the universe refuses to bend itself to your will. So Buddhism takes a clear-eyed look at the human condition, which includes suffering and death, as well as pleasure and birth.
Like most Buddhist teachings, this encapsulates all other Buddhist teachings, especially the Three Marks of Existence: impermanence, dukkha (suffering or unsatisfactoriness), and non-self.
But what I really want to talk about right now is Attachment, because it's also part of this teaching. What do we mean by Attachment? Attachment differs from the normal sorts of attraction and bonding in that it has the sense of getting Stuck. We're stuck on a person, or a thing, or a situation, but everything in life is impermanent, so when the person changes (and death is a form of change), or the situation changes, we're still stuck on how it was, or how we want it to be, and we suffer.
The flip side of the coin (which, by the way, is the same coin) is Aversion - the fear of getting what you don't want, the fear of not getting what you do want. You see how that's just another form of attachment - attachment to a desired outcome. And that leads to more suffering
So if attachment is the problem, non-attachment is the solution. But here's where it gets subtle. We're not talking about DEtachment. We're not trying to extinguish all desires, although some people still try that. [Insert reference to Simon & Garfunkel's "I Am A Rock".] We call that "being a stone Buddha", and it's a form of selfishness that leads to indifference, and that's the exact opposite of the compassion we're trying to cultivate. So not DEtachment, but non-attachment.
Non-attachment doesn't mean you don't care, rather you don't get stuck. Note that this isn't fatalism, where shit just happens. You can still fight like hell to keep people alive, to keep your job, to affect the next election, whatever it is. But win or lose, you have to "pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again."
[Followed by a vamp that brilliantly ties this into what we actually do in the Buddhist Meditation Group. Because meditation gives us the space to slow down, to respond rather than react. Ultimately, we're trying to get that clarity of vision, where we can see things exactly as they are, and to be able to help other people with their suffering. Always put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.]
1. I am of the nature to grow old. I cannot escape growing old.
2. I am of the nature to have ill-health. I cannot escape sickness and injury.
3. I am of the nature to die. I cannot escape death.
4. Everyone and everything I hold dear is of the nature to change. I cannot escape being separated from them.
5. My actions are my only true possessions. My actions are the ground on which I stand. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions.
People who don't understand Buddhism look at things like this and say, "ugh, what a morbid religion, always fixated on suffering and death." But really, it's about seeing things exactly as they are, not as we want them to be. Because if you're only seeing things as you want them to be, you're looking through this filter that distorts your perception, and has blind spots, so you're continually surprised and dismayed when the universe refuses to bend itself to your will. So Buddhism takes a clear-eyed look at the human condition, which includes suffering and death, as well as pleasure and birth.
Like most Buddhist teachings, this encapsulates all other Buddhist teachings, especially the Three Marks of Existence: impermanence, dukkha (suffering or unsatisfactoriness), and non-self.
But what I really want to talk about right now is Attachment, because it's also part of this teaching. What do we mean by Attachment? Attachment differs from the normal sorts of attraction and bonding in that it has the sense of getting Stuck. We're stuck on a person, or a thing, or a situation, but everything in life is impermanent, so when the person changes (and death is a form of change), or the situation changes, we're still stuck on how it was, or how we want it to be, and we suffer.
The flip side of the coin (which, by the way, is the same coin) is Aversion - the fear of getting what you don't want, the fear of not getting what you do want. You see how that's just another form of attachment - attachment to a desired outcome. And that leads to more suffering
So if attachment is the problem, non-attachment is the solution. But here's where it gets subtle. We're not talking about DEtachment. We're not trying to extinguish all desires, although some people still try that. [Insert reference to Simon & Garfunkel's "I Am A Rock".] We call that "being a stone Buddha", and it's a form of selfishness that leads to indifference, and that's the exact opposite of the compassion we're trying to cultivate. So not DEtachment, but non-attachment.
Non-attachment doesn't mean you don't care, rather you don't get stuck. Note that this isn't fatalism, where shit just happens. You can still fight like hell to keep people alive, to keep your job, to affect the next election, whatever it is. But win or lose, you have to "pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again."
[Followed by a vamp that brilliantly ties this into what we actually do in the Buddhist Meditation Group. Because meditation gives us the space to slow down, to respond rather than react. Ultimately, we're trying to get that clarity of vision, where we can see things exactly as they are, and to be able to help other people with their suffering. Always put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.]
