it's all just numbers
Apr. 17th, 2007 02:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kirkcudbrightI have a huge mental block about all things financial. As in hate hate hate dealing with it. It's 2am on the day taxes are due, and I've just finished. Of course, I only got the software, much less started working on the taxes, on Saturday. I've also gone through more than half a bottle of tequila in that time. It doesn't make me smarter - I can feel it making me stupider, or at least slower, but it modulates the anxiety, and I don't care so much if I can't find all the receipts, and I end up making up numbers, and it's all just numbers.
It's all. Just. Numbers.
According to the ones and zeros of the tax prep software, I should be getting a $1000 refund from the feds, and another $139 from the state. But I couldn't even bring myself to look behind the curtain until the absolute last minute.
I used to be better at dealing with this stuff. Back I had to mail checks for every bill, every month, I at least used to manage to clear the desk every 6 weeks or so. Now most everything is auto-paid from checking or credit card, and I mostly just have to remember to pay the credit card bill (online) every month. Other stuff (e.g. non-periodic bills, deposits) accumulates on the desk, along with catalogs, magazines, and credit card offers, until it slips off the desk, and I have to deal with it (or at least pulp enough of the junk mail to re-stabilize the pile).
You'd think that things like auto-pay would make my life less stressful, and they've doubtless saved me from countless late charges and suspension notices, but they've also allowed me to stress about things I'm not dealing with, and to continue not dealing with them. I can't be bothered to deposit checks, because I belong to a credit union with three offices, which are 10, 20, and 40 miles away. Some of these are things like birthday checks, and I'm not going to hassle my parents to cut me a new check, just because I was too lame to cash the previous one. But there's also a Quite Sizeable check from a financial services company, that I'm going to have to get replaced, and I'm not looking forward to that either. It should all be direct deposit, and direct debit, so I don't have to deal with anyone's checks, mine or theirs. And then I'll be back to dealing solely with cash, and the only money worry is whether I have enough in my pocket.
It's all. Just. Numbers.
According to the ones and zeros of the tax prep software, I should be getting a $1000 refund from the feds, and another $139 from the state. But I couldn't even bring myself to look behind the curtain until the absolute last minute.
I used to be better at dealing with this stuff. Back I had to mail checks for every bill, every month, I at least used to manage to clear the desk every 6 weeks or so. Now most everything is auto-paid from checking or credit card, and I mostly just have to remember to pay the credit card bill (online) every month. Other stuff (e.g. non-periodic bills, deposits) accumulates on the desk, along with catalogs, magazines, and credit card offers, until it slips off the desk, and I have to deal with it (or at least pulp enough of the junk mail to re-stabilize the pile).
You'd think that things like auto-pay would make my life less stressful, and they've doubtless saved me from countless late charges and suspension notices, but they've also allowed me to stress about things I'm not dealing with, and to continue not dealing with them. I can't be bothered to deposit checks, because I belong to a credit union with three offices, which are 10, 20, and 40 miles away. Some of these are things like birthday checks, and I'm not going to hassle my parents to cut me a new check, just because I was too lame to cash the previous one. But there's also a Quite Sizeable check from a financial services company, that I'm going to have to get replaced, and I'm not looking forward to that either. It should all be direct deposit, and direct debit, so I don't have to deal with anyone's checks, mine or theirs. And then I'll be back to dealing solely with cash, and the only money worry is whether I have enough in my pocket.
