crush

[kirkcudbright]

So I don't actually follow aroraborealis, and consequently usually miss her annual confessional post. And with 3000+ comments since Tuesday, it's like reading All Of The LJs, All At Once, and I already have a full-time job.

But someone pointed me at a thread where someone else had a Secret Crush on me. That's apparently not all that strange for the Confessional (the secret crush theme, that is, not me in particular). I feel kind of weird about that (which I'm sure is explored in some other comment thread on the Confessional (which again is why it's like reading All Teh LJs)).

I was reading something somewhere else recently about the difference between introversion and shyness. It turns out there's quite a bit of research and writing about the subject (apparently starting with a 1975 article with the appalling title "The Social Disease Called Shyness"), so I'll probably never find my way back to what I was reading earlier, but suffice it to say that I'm quite a bit of the introvert, and a bit of the shy person. I'm not blind to social cues, but I'm very cautious to act on them.

So I'm both flattered and slightly creeped out that someone might be attracted to me but not actually tell me about it. Which is not to say I don't have my own un-acted-upon attractions, but I may have mentioned them un-anonymously once or twice.

It's complicated.

Comments

[perspicuity.livejournal.com]

huh - it's that time of year already? weird...

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[lyonesse.livejournal.com]

they apparently don't know you well, so telling you might be awkward. anonymously telling the confessional is easy.

i have no idea when you picked up caution, though ;)

[kirkcudbright.livejournal.com]

Yeah, if they don't know whether I have an LJ, they don't know me well.

Telling the confessional (or even commenting about the confessional) is still better than that thing where you get a message saying that someone has a secret crush on you, but you have to say who you have a secret crush on before it'll tell you anything more. There's a reason I didn't play that game.

WRT caution, you were a premeditated, calculated risk. ;)

[weegoddess.livejournal.com]

::smiles::

I know the feeling. On several levels.

(and if you're wondering, no, it wasn't me. I suspect you wouldn't suspect me anyway.)



[Edited for what was an honest but possibly Freudian typo]

[kirkcudbright.livejournal.com]

Honey, I *know* how you feel about me. You're many things to me, but secret? Not so much. ;)

[aroraborealis.livejournal.com]

It is complicated. There are lots of good reasons for someone not to tell the object of their crush about it (fear of rejection, worry about making things awkward or putting the person on the spot, messing up a good friendship or easy relationship ... among many others), and in most cases, few good reasons TO tell them. So, why tell the world? There's something delightful and freeing about saying that kind of thing out loud.

And, on the confessional, it's further complicated by the chorus of people every year who (anonymously) express disappointment at not seeing their name mentioned. I think this often inspires people who might not otherwise be inclined to share their crush to do so, in hopes of giving the object of their affections an ego boost. And, of course, that works well for some and less well for others!

Definitely complicated.

[mrw42.livejournal.com]

Well, you know it wasn't me. I do have a big crush on you (and have had it _forever!), but it pretty clearly isn't a secret! :-)